Late-Night Personalities Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme
Late-night's top entertainers used the airtime ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa initiative, dubbed the "gold card," characterizing it as a clear cash-for-residency arrangement for the rich.
Colbert's Pointed Analysis
Starting his show, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic Christmas jingle targeting the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... destroys all he touches."
Colbert's target was the new plan which enables international citizens to purchase U.S. residency for an investment of a million dollars, with a "premium" option for five million. An official website guarantees processing "in record time."
"A brief note here to wealthy foreigners: prior to you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.
He explained that the scheme is also designed to "get cash" from companies looking to hire skilled workers, with significant fees. "That is a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the that one hotel," he continued.
"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals completely are eligible to be in America."
"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary
On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."
"It's a card that will allow rich international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."
"Maybe it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.
Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."
"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers on Affordability Struggles
Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping approval numbers during economic anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he noted.
Recently, in a attempt to tackle cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, where he behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.
"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."
"He is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"
Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative media defenses of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.